


For Life or Love

by A Magiluna Stormwriter (ariestess)



Series: OQ Angst Fest 2018 [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-25 14:01:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15642207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariestess/pseuds/A%20Magiluna%20Stormwriter
Summary: "Then why did you call?""I thought you'd like to hear a friendly voice?  Tell me all about how you're settling in."





	For Life or Love

**Author's Note:**

> Date Written: 7-10 August 2018  
> Word Count: 4552  
> Written for: OQ August Angst Week 2018  
> Prompts: 01, 21, 28, 43, 44, 47, 49 & this [ photo prompt](https://i.imgur.com/dPaqSZa.jpg%22)  
> Summary: "Then why did you call?"
> 
> "I thought you'd like to hear a friendly voice? Tell me all about how you're settling in."  
> Spoilers: Canon divergent AU of S4, taking place about 3 weeks after Robin, Marian, and Roland left for NYC.  
> Warnings: Major character death, some descriptions of violence, blood, grief, minor suicide ideation  
> Website: ShatterStorm Productions – Doggie Duo  
> Link to: http://bdkk.shatterstorm.net/  
> Archive: ShatterStorm Productions & AO3 only…all others ask for permission & we'll see…  
> Feedback: Constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> Author’s Disclaimer: "Once Upon a Time," the characters, and situations depicted are the property of Adam Horowitz, Edward Kitsis, Kitsis/Horowitz, and ABC Studios. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. This site is in no way affiliated with "Once Upon a Time," ABC, or any representatives of the actors.
> 
> Author’s Notes: This has been a difficult fic for me to write. First the backstory: I originally found the picture prompt on a SQ FB page. I'd intended to use it for my SQSupernova fic this year, with Emma in the Person B role. I have issues to resolve with Emma Swan, get off me. But it didn't end up panning out, and then I found out about OQ Angst Week and realized I could easily do this for them, especially after hearing the rule of "No killing Roland" with the caveat that everyone else was fair game. And so this fic was born. It hurt to do this. I cannot reiterate that enough. It was supposed to be more descriptive, but that just didn't quite work out. I'm pleased with the outcome, particularly since I think all three of my beta babes on this one told me some variation of "Wow fuck you" either in DMs or in the document comments. LOLOL And thanks to Keeley for the title suggestion.
> 
> Note: Text in _italics_ is either emphasis or internal thoughts. Text in _italics_ and blockquoted denotes flashbacks.
> 
> Dedication: My muses, as always…
> 
> Beta: Hollie, Jess, and Keeley all gave this some wonderful feedback to help me reshape what needed it. Love y'all to death!

Robin is resting on the fire escape, enjoying some unspeakably warm weather for a late October day in New York, when his cellphone rings. He's still getting used to the damned thing, but it's getting better with time, one of the few things lately that falls into that category. His breath catches as he sees her softly smiling face on the display, heart clenching painfully in his chest. It takes a couple more rings before he can get a decent enough grip with his suddenly shaking hands, but he answers the call before she can change her mind.

"Regina?" He winces at how eager he sounds in his own ears. He can only imagine how she must be interpreting it. But he can't help himself. "Is it really you?"

"Hello, Robin."

Just the sound of her voice is music to his ears. He can feel the sting of tears in his eyes, but refuses to let them fall. He wants to hold her, wants to feel his arms wrapped around her, lips pressed to her silken tresses, and the shared beat of their hearts echoing through his chest. His fingers _itch_ with the need to entwine with hers or card through her hair. The need to touch her again is visceral, right down into his very bones.

"Y-You're doing all right, yeah? You and Henry?" It's lame, he knows it's lame, but it's the only thing he can get out. His mind is too chaotic to formulate a better response.

"Yes," she replies, pausing briefly. "Henry's doing well. He's back in school and enjoying everything but math. He especially likes Spanish and has requested that I will learn it with him."

That makes Robin smile. Just picturing his Regina making dinner with Henry, sitting at the island in the kitchen, going over his homework together is a mental image he can easily call up. Adding in the two of them stuttering and stammering over learning a new language together causes another ache in his chest. He and Roland should be there, learning right along with them as a family. Before he realizes it, the words are out of his mouth.

"I miss you."

The silence on the other end of the line is deafening. He pulls the phone from his ear to verify that the call hasn't dropped. The sight of her face forces his heart to clench tightly again with the need to see her, smell her, touch her, _envelop_ her in his protective embrace.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs, bringing the phone back up. "I know we talked--"

"I miss you, too." Her response is so soft, he half-wonders if he's imagined it. "But we both know this is for the best, Robin."

>>>=====> <=====<<<

Regina no more than says the words when a stab of pain ricochets through her body. She isn't even sure anymore how she manages to stifle the shrieks that keep trying to claw their way out of her throat. She closes her eyes briefly, still marveling at the logistics of her even making this phone call. 

> _"Regina!"_
> 
> _David. Of course, Charming would be the one to find her. She expected Emma, but well, like father, like daughter._
> 
> _"Is that blood? Shit! Stay here, Regina. Just try to take it easy. I'm going to get help."_
> 
> _"Robin," she murmurs, the word barely more than the breath passing her lips. She's so tired. All she wants to do is sleep, but she knows that's not possible, not yet. She doesn't even remember David leaving her side. Everything is moving in exaggerated slow motion, even the beating of her heart. There's something she needs to do._
> 
> _Robin._
> 
> _It takes everything in her to get her phone in hand to even make the call. She drops it three times before she can finally find a semi-decent grip in her right hand, despite the shaking and slickness in her palm. For a handful of seconds she sends out a silent thank you to Emma for insisting that she do fingerprint recognition for both hands. Her left hand is pretty mangled and uselessly pressed against her stomach anyway, not that it's doing much good there, other than barely holding in what's trying so desperately to get out. Trying to tap out things with her right thumb is harder than she remembers it ever being before._
> 
> _What will she even say to him?_
> 
> _"Regina?"_

"Regina?"

The sound of her name forces her back to the present again. She swallows painfully, eyes closed against the sting of unshed tears. She will _not_ cry while speaking with him. He doesn't deserve that, he never has. Robin deserves a good last memory of her, of them. Maybe she'll still be alive when David returns with help. Maybe Emma or that damnable blue bug will be able to heal her wounds. Maybe this call will end up being in vain.

Probably not. She knows the score. But Robin? Robin never needs to know what's happening right now.

"Regina? Please tell me you're still there. This signal is bollocks some days."

She smiles at that, at his easy use of modern phraseology blending with his own language tics.

"Sorry, I got distracted by the impromptu concert of a nearby robin in a tree." It's not a lie, not exactly, but it'll do for now. 

"And just when did you become Snow White conversing with the birds, milady?" His tone is gentle, teasing, and soothes the ache in her heart.

"You know, you _could_ give me a chance and just believe me," she replies, tone a strange blend of wistful and wry. "I miss our walks in the woods."

"I miss our picnics in front of the fireplace." That makes her laugh. Thankfully the blood bubbling past her lips just sounds like wet laughter, as though through tears. Close enough. "I miss your laugh, too."

"Robin…"

"I know, I know," he replies softly. "I'm sorry. We did what we did for a reason."

"Yes, we did. But that's not why I called."

His next words shouldn't surprise her, but they do. She blames it on the blood loss. "Then why did you call? I thought you were getting your updates through Emma?"

 _I'm dying and I needed to hear your voice one more time._ No, that won't do. Robin _cannot_ know the truth about this call. _Think, Regina!_ She winces and barely bites back the groan as she presses her mutilated hand to her stomach.

"I thought you'd like to hear a friendly voice? Tell me all about how you're settling in. Is-- Is Roland there with you? Or Marian? Do you need to be somewhere?"

>>>=====> <=====<<<

Robin winces when she trips over Roland's name. He wishes his son was here, but… "No, he and Marian are doing some shopping. Marian found a lovely bodega that serves these pastries that Roland can't get enough of. She usually goes around this time each day to purchase them at a discount for being too stale for regular pricing or something like that. I haven't quite understood it, but it ends up being a cheap treat for Roland."

He feels like he's rambling on about something inconsequential, but her soft laugh spurs him on to tell her more about this new life he's struggling to build with his wife and son. He licks his lips and presses the heel of his free hand against his eye in an attempt to stave off the tears of joy at simply hearing Regina's voice again.

"It turns out you were right, you know," he says with a soft chuckle.

"I was? About what?"

"Roland absolutely loves the Central Park Zoo. He could spend hours watching the monkeys, in particular." He frowns at the odd noise Regina makes, but chalks it up to bad memories of Zelena's flying monkeys. "He's also become quite enamored of the zebras. He's even named them all Marty."

Regina's chuckle is a little strained at that. "So he remembers watching _Madagascar_ with Henry?"

"Of course, he does." Robin's voice goes soft. "He remembers everything about you and Henry, much to Marian's discomfort."

"I'm sorry."

"No!" It comes out far sharper than he intends, and he takes a deep breath to calm himself. "You have nothing to apologize for, love. This is a life lesson all of us need to learn, whether we like it or not."

"Robin--"

"No, Regina, listen to me. Roland is just a boy who wants to experience everything he can. If it makes him happy, it makes _me_ happy. You and Henry made him happy. His mother makes him happy. I make him happy. The monkeys and zebras at the zoo make him happy." He lets out of a soft bark of laughter. "The elephant that tried to steal my sunglasses _and_ my popcorn made him ecstatically happy."

"The what?"

"You heard me, love."

>>>=====> <=====<<<

Despite her situation, Regina finds herself curious as hell. "You can't just leave it there, Robin! You're an awful tease if you do."

His chuckle sends a burst of warmth through her body, a welcome respite to the numbing cold that seeps into muscle and bone with each sluggish beat of her heart, replacing the blood lost. "Well, you see, it all began like this…"

She loses herself in the easy cadence of his voice, eyes drifting slowly shut. She wonders if this is how Henry and Roland felt when she'd read them bedtime stories, this peaceful sort of heaviness settling into her bones. She barely remembers it from her childhood when Daddy would tell her stories to help her drift off each night. She knows she should be paying attention to Robin's story. The realization that it's likely the last thing she'll ever hear from him cuts deeply, and all of that peaceful lassitude is gone almost immediately. Shifting brings her mangled hand into sharper contact with her belly, and it takes everything in her not to scream from the painful reminder of just how little time she has left.

> _The call comes in just after breakfast while she's getting Henry off to school. Emma sounds calm, too calm for the situation given Snow's frantically shrill voice in the background, but then Snow has always been a bit high-strung in stressful situations._
> 
> _"Dad said the portal just opened up out of nowhere and at least half a dozen of the fuckers came through before it closed."_
> 
> _"Did he see where they went?"_
> 
> _"No, he lost them in the trees. I thought they returned to who they originally were when she killed herself?"_
> 
> _She moves toward the front door, grabbing her coat in the process. "Well, it's not like I had a crystal ball to see what's happening in Oz, Ms. Swan."_
> 
> _"Hey, whoa! What the hell, Regina?"_
> 
> _She snorts and shakes her head, stepping out into the chilly morning air. "I'm-- I'm sorry, Emma. I'm still dealing with her death." She clears her throat. "Where are you?"_
> 
> _The second she has Emma's location, Regina ends the call and poofs to the clearing surrounding the old well. David, Snow, and Emma are all there, and then she notices Ruby loping up from deeper in the woods. Before she can speak, the piercing screech of one of the flying monkeys is heard from the direction Ruby has just come._
> 
> _"They're fucking everywhere out there! I counted nine of them, not including the two I took down with my bare hands. Granny's still trying to track the ones left. The two I took down have made a stinky bonfire."_
> 
> _"All right," David says, clapping his hands together. "We'll split up into teams of two. Ruby, you head back to Granny. Emma, Snow, you go west of her trajectory. Regina, you and I will go east. Keep your phones on hand and let everyone know when you find the troop. The sooner we get rid of them, the sooner we can get back to our lives again."_
> 
> _His approach is unorthodox at first, until Regina realizes how he's deftly teamed up the magical and non-magical people. She hopes she can remember to commend him on that once they've dealt with this issue. Not for the first time in the past three weeks, she wishes Robin would still be in Storybrooke. They always made a formidable team on the offensive. But she doesn't have much time to think about that as they meet a pair of the mangy beasts and begin the battle in earnest._
> 
> _She's not sure how long they fight this pair, bigger and stronger than she remembers of the previous beasts they'd fought, but it's fierce and bloody and drawn out. Emma informs them that more have joined in the battle, pulling the dwarves and fairies in, as well. In the end, they finally get the two bastards. David shoots one to the ground and, as it writhes in the early stages of death throes, Regina moves to incinerate it with a fireball._
> 
> _Leaning over to drop the fire onto it, she notices a malicious gleam in the beast's eyes half a beat before heat blazes across her shoulder blades from its mate's claws. She lets out a shriek and turns to throw the fireball at the flying monkey, but her aim is off from the pain in her back, as well as the sudden attack from the downed one. Claws rake deeper across her stomach as its maw clamps down on her left wrist and hand, teeth breaking bones and tearing lacerations that fill with the putrescent saliva slathering from its mouth._
> 
> _She blacks out briefly from the pain, a pair of loud bangs bringing her back to realize she's flat on her back and engulfed in the worst pain she's ever felt. There's a boulder nearby and she forces herself to crawl over to lean against it, lungs already laboring to get oxygen into her bloodstream. Without thought, both hands move to staunch the blood flowing freely from the gut wound, but the agony of the movement stops her immediately with a pained scream. Everything is on fire from her neck to her waist, and she recognizes that this is how the infamous Evil Queen will be taken out: alone and bleeding out from multiple wounds brought about by the Wicked Witch's winged minions._
> 
> _Robin…_

"Regina?" Robin's voice, in concert with another shudder of pain rippling down her spine, brings her back to the present. "Love, did I lose you? Have I botched up my story and put you to sleep?"

"I'm not going anywhere," she says softly, wincing at the ashen taste of the lie on her tongue. "I was just enjoying the tale."

"Good to know I haven't completely lost my touch," he teases gently, and she feels the tears begin to slip down her cheeks in earnest at the thought of never hearing another of his stories again. "I wish…"

When he doesn't finish his thought, she swallows thickly and asks, "What do you wish, Robin?" Before he can answer, she pulls the phone away from her face long enough to sniffle out of his hearing.

"I wish things were different."

"So do I," she replies, and it's probably the truest thing she's ever said. Black spots swarm in her vision and it's getting harder to breathe. _It's time_ , she thinks. "B-But we both know that's not possible." She clears her throat, swallowing back another cry as pain flares bright and white hot across her shoulders and in her stomach. "I should let you go. We've both got things we need to do today."

"Yes, we do," he says, reluctance heavy in his voice. "This was a lovely surprise, Regina. How about I call you in a couple of weeks and we can catch up again? I can figure out how to send you the pictures of Roland at the zoo in the meantime."

She bites her bottom lip hard enough to break the skin at the devastating reality that she'll never see those pictures. "That sounds like a wonderful idea. Take care of yourself and your family, Robin. If it won't upset Marian, please tell Roland I said hello and give him a big hug for me?"

"I can do that. You tell Henry hello for me, too?"

"I will." She swallows painfully, but can't quite end the call yet, even as her vision grows dimmer. "Make sure those elephants don't steal your popcorn anymore."

"I won't. Until next time, Regina."

"Until next time," she says before whispering, "I love you, Robin," as she fumbles to end the call.

And then…

_Nothing._

>>>=====> <=====<<<

Robin walks slowly through the trees edging the cemetery. He can see the Mills family crypt coming closer, but he can't quite make his body turn toward it and close the distance. _If I don't go in,_ he thinks to himself, _none of this is real._ He takes his time walking around the cemetery, randomly cleaning up leaves and trash around several of the headstones. He has no idea whose they are, but somehow he knows that she would feel better knowing everything was kept as tidy as possible. Finally, he realizes that he can put this off no longer, regardless of how little he wants to do it.

He still moves slowly as he nears the crypt, the grey cinderblock seeming darker than he ever remembered it before, as if the building itself mourns its newest inhabitant. He pauses at the door, stroking the stained wood, praying that he won't find what he knows he will inside. A deep breath, followed by a second, and a third, and then he pulls open the door to step inside.

He keeps the door open out of a childish fear of being trapped inside. And then he remembers who's inside and what has happened here and maybe being trapped isn't such a bad idea after all. It takes a moment to adjust to the dimmer lighting. The cloying scent of too many roses makes him gag briefly, and then his eyes land on the surface covered in a dozen loose roses, a handful of calla lilies, and several arrows. It's not the flowers that bring on the tears. He knows exactly who put the arrows there, too. It's a very specific tradition to honor a fallen comrade... or their spouse.

Twice now, Robin has been forced to witness the sight of arrows on a coffin for the women he's loved. He thought one of those women had come back from the dead, that the arrows had been laid out in vain. Oh, how he wishes that could be true now, wishes it more than air to fill his lungs.

Robin forces himself to move to pay homage to the biers of her parents. He'd never met either of them, but has heard enough stories to wish he could shake her father's hand and punch her mother in the face. And then he moves to stand in front of the newest addition, in the center. It takes a moment to realize that Henry Sr.'s bier has been moved, that _hers_ now guards the entrance down to her underground lair. There's a divine sort of justice in that, he supposes.

Clearing his throat, Robin traces the plaque at the end of her bier.

_Regina Mills_  
_Beloved Mother, Daughter, Sister, Soulmate_  
_Good Can Come From Evil_

A small, petty part of him is angry that his connection to his soulmate is last on the list, but he's grateful just to be included at all.

"Why did you lie?"

Not the first words he'd intended to say when trying to imagine how this particular conversation would go. They're not a lie, not by a long shot, but he understands that he'll never get a proper answer either. He touches each arrow briefly, straightening them in their placement. They'll need to be removed at some point and placed in the coffin with her. But now is not that point.

"I--" His voice cracks on that single sound and he squeezes his eyes tightly shut at the onslaught of emotion and tears. "I came to say goodbye, milady, but I don't think I can actually do that. How am I supposed to let you go? You were, you _are_ my soulmate, my love, you own my heart. How could you do what you did? How could you leave me like that and never even give me the chance to tell you how much I love you?"

His hand slams down on the surface of the casket, disturbing flowers and arrows alike, though none actually falls to the ground. "Damn it, Regina! I heard you whisper that you loved me. You always have to get in the last word, don't you? Does it make you feel smug and superior? I kept calling your phone after you did that, but it would just ring and ring until it went to voicemail. I finally got an answer, but it wasn't you. It was Snow fucking White on the other end of the line. What right did she have to touch your things, answer your phone? She told me what happened, helped in part by David and Emma. You know, Emma, the Blue Fairy, and Gold all worked in tandem to try to revive you, but nothing worked. Snow even had your phone on speaker so I could talk to you, _plead_ with you to come back to me, to all of us. Nothing worked.

"You were the strong one between us. You were supposed to be invincible, a superhero like in Henry's comic books, but you were felled by your sister's filthy beasts. If David hadn't riddled their mangy carcasses with bullets, I'd have torn them apart with my bare hands, just like I wish to do to Zelena. And how is it fair that _she_ lives while you lie here for the rest of eternity? Oh yes, milady, you heard me right. It was never my Marian that came back in that damnable time portal. It was your sister using her infernal magic to look and sound like Marian. I only realized it when she was given the news of your death. She _laughed_ , outright laughed until she couldn't breathe. If I hadn't been so grief-stricken, I'd have strangled her with my bare hands. But now she resides in one of those hidden rooms beneath the hospital, wearing the magic dampening cuff for the rest of her days."

He pauses then, panting, lungs starved for oxygen that he just can't seem to get enough of. His forehead settles on the arm resting atop the casket. The tears fall to the shiny wood, blurring his vision for a long moment. The urge to lift the lid and crawl inside to settle on creamy satin next to her is strong.

"You know that I would join you in death if it weren't for our boys." He sighs heavily. "What am I supposed to do about the boys, Regina? Henry's withdrawn into himself. I know he has Emma, Snow, David, the whole damned town to care for him, but he keeps coming to me. Emma doesn't know what to do with him, on top of trying to keep the town from spiraling out of control, so she's letting him stay with me as much as he needs to right now. Roland is confused. He doesn't understand how his mama wasn't really his mama or how you're never going to come back to visit us. I can't even tell him that you've gone to join his mama in heaven, because…" His chest aches with the pain of too many things happening in too short a time. And then the rage returns, burning white hot in his veins. "Because your fucking sister had to come back and fuck with you, me, and my son. She took away your happiness and mine, and then her fucking monkeys took away your life. I will never forgive her for that. No one in this town will."

He sighs and wipes ineffectually at his face. "I know I have to be the strong one for Roland and Henry, they are merely children who are confused and frightened as hell, but who will be there in that capacity for me? You were my strength, my love. You made even the worst days feel better just by being you. And now the world will never be the same. I'm not sure how to deal with that, or if I even want to, but I know I must because it's what you'd want." His fingers stroke the wood again. "They're reading your will tomorrow. I've been told that you included me and Roland in it. There is nothing I could want from you if I can't have you back, but I'll accept whatever it is you feel I deserve in your absence."

He takes a moment or two to straighten the arrows again, adjust the flowers, and wipe away the tears streaking the wood's surface. He knows how particular she is about cleanliness and order. "I-- I have to go now, milady, but I promise you that I will be return. I need to get back to Roland. He doesn't like me being out of his sight for too long anymore, not that I blame him. When I come back, I think I'd like to go downstairs, spend some time alone in _our_ room down there. Does it still smell of you, of us? Would that I could bottle that scent of you and keep it with me always."

Pressing his lips to the wood briefly, he then rests his forehead against it again, nose absently nuzzling at it. "I wish…" 

He leans back then and frantically lifts the front half of the lid to stare down at her peacefully reposed face, hands crossed over her chest. It takes a bit before he notices the photograph resting under her palms: the only family photograph either of them owns of the two of them and their boys. The tears return again as he reaches out to stroke a finger over her hair, then bends over to press his lips to hers, hoping against hope that the bond of soulmates can break even the inevitability of death. But her lips remain passive and unmoving beneath his, and he shifts to rest his forehead on hers, a hand touching as his nose nuzzles against her, just as it did both to the wood so recently and in life.

"You are my life and my love, Regina, and I am so lost without you. I hope that wherever you are, you're safe and unharmed. I hope you're happy and reunited with your father and even Daniel. No matter where you are, know that I will come to you when it's my time, just please don't go where I can't follow. I love you, Regina, with everything I am and that will never change. Rest well, my love. I'll see you soon."

Reluctantly, he straightens and closes the lid again, making sure the flowers and arrows are still where they need to be. One last stroke of his hand across the wood and the plaque, then he turns and walks out into a world gone bleak without the light of one Regina Mills in it.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt that started this whole fic idea...
> 
>  
> 
>   
> 


End file.
